


You Deserve to be Saved

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean Winchester, M/M, Mark of Cain, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2233491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Crowley and Abaddon out of the way, Dean takes over Hell. During one of his journeys topside, he sees Sam and Cas who have been searching for him for a year and will stop at nothing to save what's left of his soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They don't talk about what happened for the most part. Of course, that doesn't mean that they don't think about it, the knowledge hovering over them like dark stormclouds. It's hard to forget the way that he had turned so quickly, how easily he took to his new powers. It's harder still to forget the way that green eyes had been swallowed up by black. 

Castiel blames himself. If he hadn't been so focused with his mission, then perhaps he would have found a way to help Dean. He wouldn't be sitting here in a dingy motel room with Sam following a lead that he doubts will produce any result. If he had just taken the time to help, he wouldn't be here calming Sam down after his nightmares and knowing full well that it's not going to make this better.

  
It's been almost a year since they saw him. By this time, all the hunters know about what happened and none of them are willing to help them bring Dean back. They're convinced that he can't be saved but Cas knows that's simply not true. He holds on to the hope that there's always a way, mainly because if he doesn't, then he just might give up too. For once, the path of dead bodies doesn't lead them to one of Dean's lackeys but to the big man himself. They find him in a diner, the lights blown out and the whole place in disarray. When they see him again, it's clear that Dean is quite comfortable in his new position. Of course, with both Abaddon and Crowley dead, there's no one else to rule Hell anyway.

  
"Hey guys," Dean greets them. He doesn't look up from where he's slowly sinking the first blade into one of the diner patrons. They cry for help and Dean shushes him, smiling sickly as he digs around for good measure.

  
"Why are you doing this?" Sam finally asks and Cas notices the way his voice sounds strained, like he's trying not to scream or cry.

  
Dean shrugs, apparently indifferent to the bodies surrounding him, metaphorically and literally.

  
"Cause it's fun. Ruling Hell is boring, so sometimes I go topside to blow off some steam," he says. He finally finishes gutting the poor guy in front of him and wipes the blade off on his jeans, so stained with red that it's hard to tell they were ever any other color. He looks at them quizzically, like he has no idea what they're doing here.

  
"Dean, you can stop now. Come with us and we can fix this," Sam pleads.

  
"Oh Sammy," Dean says, "there's nothing to fix. I'm totally fine."

  
"Quit lying! Just, please, come with me. I want my big brother back."

  
Dean wavers, just for a split second before a bored, indifferent look settles over his face. He shrugs and motions to the other demons who accompany him.

  
"Let's go. No point in messing with them," he tells them, turning his back on Sam and Cas yet again. They don't disappear right away and Sam takes the opportunity to step forward, something desperate in his voice as he talks.

  
"You better kill me now," he says, just barely keeping it together.

  
"Huh?"

  
"I said, you better kill me now, cause if you don't, I'll keep coming after you until you're cured."

  
"You can't cure me that easily. And if you're that eager to die, then I guess I have no choice but to oblige, huh?"

  
In the blink of an eye, Sam is thrown over to the far wall, pinned there with Dean's power.

  
"I never get sick of that," he says with a laugh. He approaches Sam slowly, arm outstretched and clenching his hand into a fist, cutting off his brother's air supply. Cas makes a noise of distress, because he desperately wants to help but despite regaining his Grace, he's no match for a knight of Hell, let alone the new king. Dean spares him a glance and seems distracted for the moment.

  
"Oh, I forgot you were there, Cas," he remarks, letting up on Sam just enough for him to gulp in some oxygen. He lets his arm drop back down to his side, but he clearly doesn't need it to keep Sam plastered to the wall of the diner. He strolls casually over to Cas' side, circling him like a predator circles its prey.

  
"I see you got your mojo back. Nice wings, by the way."

  
The objects in question ruffle in agitation, unseen in the mortal plane. But Dean can see them, just as he can see Castiel's true form and just as the angel can see Dean's true form. He almost doesn't recognize it, warped and corrupted as it is. Almost is the key word. There's something familiar about it and it's that familiarity that convinces him that this is actually Dean and not just another demon in a meat suit.

  
He doesn't reply, keeping a watchful eye on the former hunter. He supposes in some ways, Dean is still a hunter, although he no longer hunts monsters and things that go bump in the night. Instead, he hunts innocent people and the thought makes his stomach churn.

  
"You've been awfully quiet since you came barging in here," Dean comments. He slows to a stop in front of Cas. "But I'm sure we can fix that."

  
He flinches as he feels Dean's demonic power trying to toss him around like he'd done with Sam. It takes all his willpower not to let it win and he grits his teeth, hands clenching at his sides as he endures it. When it doesn't work like he expected it to, Dean frowns, first blade appearing in his hand as he slinks closer.

  
"Dean, stop!" Sam shouts, utterly useless in his position. He struggles against his invisible restraints and Dean sighs. He pinches his thumb and forefinger together, mimicking pulling a zipper closed and suddenly Sam's shouts are muffled by his own lips, sealed shut by Dean's power.

  
"You know, at first I was just going to kill Sam and then you, but seeing as how close you two are now, I think drawing this out might be a bit more fun. What do you think, Cas?"

  
The angel remains resolutely silent, the only indication that he's even listening the constant eye contact that Dean used to find creepy. He lets out a sound of surprise when Dean pushes him backwards. He's stronger than suspected and Cas' arms flail as he tries to regain his balance. Before he can stabilize, the demons from earlier grab him, keeping a tight grip on him. Cas summons up the power to smite them but before he can, Dean mutters a spell in Enochian that has all of his angel mojo draining away.

  
"That's better. Can't have you smiting my assistants. That'd be cheating," Dean informs him, flicking his hand and having the demons follow him. They gather on the other side of the room, in full view of Sam and Dean stretches before he picks up his blade and goes to work.

  
He hums as he carves into Cas' skin, ignoring the muffled shouts from his brother on the far wall. Cas doesn't bother putting up a fight, the only signs of him feeling any pain are the occasional flinches. If Dean wants a long drawn out screaming torture session, then he's going to be severely disappointed. His wounds are slow to heal, what little that's left of his mojo working overtime to keep him alive. But still, despite the pain radiating all throughout his nervous system, Cas stays silent until it starts to bother Dean. He huffs in frustration, this time plunging the knife into Cas' leg rather than the alternating deep and shallow cuts he'd been doing before. The only thing the angel does is grunt and bite his lip until it bleeds.

  
"This is getting boring, Cas. You're no fun," Dean sighs, yanking the blade from Castiel's flesh and standing up straight. He stares at the blade and then at Cas, thoughtful look crossing his face.

  
"As much as I wanted to draw this out, I think I'll just get it over with. There's no point if you're not even going to make a sound," Dean says, twirling the first blade around and around in his hand. He grips the handle and draws his arm back, ignoring Sam's last feeble attempt to stop him.

  
In the split second before his death, Cas thinks that maybe the other hunters were right all along. That there's no hope to save Dean and he's going to be stuck like this forever. He glances at Sam, eyes shining with unshed tears and an apology written all over his face. But Cas doesn't blame him for this. It's not like Sam dragged him into this mess without any say in the matter. In fact, Cas had practically thrown himself into finding a way to save Dean no matter the cost. As the blade descends on him, he chastises himself for all the wasted effort. He looks back at the demon that used to be man he'd sacrifice everything for, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of cowering away in his last moments. It's then that he sees it.

  
It's just a blip. A tiny, miniscule spark that he certainly would have missed if he'd blinked. But there's no mistaking what it is. Even through all the darkness and smoke of Dean's demon form, he can still see what's left of his humanity fighting inside, rebelling and crying out at killing Cas. If he can just reach that part of him, bring it forward and amplify it somehow, maybe Dean can be saved. It very well may be impossible but when it comes to his human, there's nothing that he isn't willing to do.

  
"Dean, wait," he says. The words, the first ones he's spoken since he walked into the decimated building, make Dean pause, long enough to give him more time to speak.

  
"Listen to me very closely, Dean. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me."

  
The words are familiar ones, ones that he remembers hearing not long ago when he'd been under the influence of Naomi. He only hopes that the same words are what will get him through to what remains of Dean's soul.

  
"I'm right here, Cas."

  
"I'm not talking to _you_ ," Cas snarls, resolve gathering despite his weakened state. He focuses on that tiny spark, one that seems to be glowing just a bit brighter at hearing Cas' voice.

  
"This isn't you. You're better than this. I know it's hard but you have to keep fighting. The Mark of Cain is controlling you but you don't have to let it."

  
"Enough of this. Don't you get it, stupid angel? There's nothing to save. This is me, like it or not," Dean growls, blade pressing closer to Cas' chest, though not hard enough to puncture the skin.

  
"I'm here for you Dean. I won't leave you alone. Just come back to me. Please. Let me save you, for once."

  
"I don't _need_ saving," Dean hisses. It seems the demon's had enough and he draws back, ready to end Cas once and for all. But he doesn't do it. For some reason, he won't go through with it, his hand shaking and he swallows once.

  
"You forget, I can always tell when you're lying," Cas smirks as he watches that flame grow ever brighter, burning away the smoke and the darkness. Dean's hand is still shaking, caught between indulging the bloodlust of his demonic side and dropping the thing all together.

  
"You can fight this. I believe in you," he says. He needs one more thing, just one more to tip the scales in his favor to save his hunter from the clutches of Hell once more. He takes a breath, ignoring the twinge of pain in his leg and gathers his courage.

  
"I need you. I....I love you. Just please, come back to me."

  
It's almost blinding, the way Dean's soul bursts back into control, the angry darkness of the Mark of Cain fading into the background. Of course, Cas, and the other demons he supposes, are the only ones who see it. Sam is still pinned to the wall, watching anxiously and with a bit of awe at Cas' statement. However, that soon ends and he falls back onto his feet, voice no longer gone as he asks if Cas is okay.

  
"Let go of him."

  
For a second, Cas doesn't know who Dean is talking to, but then the grips on his arms disappear and he pitches forward, falling into Dean's outstretched arms. Dean presses a finger to his forehead and he winces as his skin knits itself back together. The hunter mutters something else in Enochian, presumably a counterspell, and Cas sighs in relief as he feels his power flow freely again. He pushes himself up, standing upright on his own again as Dean tosses the first blade to the ground.

  
The other demons don't seem to know what to do with themselves now that their leader is mostly human again. But they don't have to wait long to decide when Sam approaches them, reciting the exorcism from memory. Cas watches the smoke as it clears their vessel's bodies. Luckily, Dean had seen fit to take care of his so called assistants during his reign and the two people who had been possessed don't have the typical fatal wounds that a demon may suffer carelessly while inhabiting a vessel.

  
Sam escorts them out, consoling them and taking them to the Impala. Cas distantly hears the engine start up and then it grows quiet, the only sound in the diner that of his and Dean's breathing. He wonders why Sam hadn't stayed. After all, he'd just gotten his brother back. But perhaps he wanted to give them a moment alone, considering the confession he'd made just minutes ago.

  
"Cas, I'm so sorry. I was weak and I should have-"

  
"Dean, it's not your fault. Whatever happened then, that wasn't you," Cas assures him.

  
"Yes, it was me. I remember it. All of it," he lets out a weary sigh and brings his hands up to cover his face. "I liked it. I liked the power and being able to do whatever I wanted. How could I have been so stupid?"

  
"Do you remember when I was possessed by Leviathan?" Cas asks. Dean drops his hands, looks at him confusedly, but nods nonetheless. "And when I got back from Purgatory how Naomi controlled my every word, every action?"

  
"Yeah."

  
"Did you blame me for that?"

  
"Not entirely, but-"

  
"So what's the difference? All that happened was that you were controlled by a force stronger than you. There's no shame or weakness in that."

  
"It doesn't matter. I almost killed you. I hurt so many people. I hurt _you_." Dean sounds absolutely torn up about it and Cas is having none of it. He pulls Dean close, wrapping his arms around him and just holding him. After a minute, he feels Dean finally hug back, shoulders shaking as his hands find Castiel's back.

  
"I'm so sorry, Cas. I'm sorry," he repeats into Cas' shoulder. Cas feels something wet on his shoulder and he rubs Dean's back, making shushing noises and waiting for him to calm down.

  
"It's okay, Dean. It's going to be okay," he says quietly.

  
Eventually, Dean pulls back and laughs softly at his own expense. His eyes are puffy from crying and a few tears still drip down his cheeks. Cas reaches up and brushes them away on instinct before pulling Dean closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

  
"Want to go home?" he asks. Dean finally smiles, a small thing that brightens Cas' heart and nods.

  
"Yeah, I'd like that." 


	2. Chapter 2

_"Please, stop. I'll do anything, just don't hurt me."_

  
_"Sorry sweetheart. It doesn't work like that."_

  
_To be honest, he's missed this. Missed the thrill that he gets while he tortures the souls damned to Hell. He definitely doesn't miss being on the rack, but the rest of it? No problem at all. He heads over to the cart full of various torture instruments and peruses them like he's in a store. There are so many and he wants to try them all. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like this pitiful soul is going to last that much longer._

  
_The girl, he doesn't even remember her name nor does he care to, squirms, gasping when the hooks dig further into her flesh. It's a painful sensation if Dean remembers correctly, but he holds no sympathy for her as he picks up a nice looking dagger. He turns back to her, ignoring her whimpering as he gets closer, relishing the way she screams as he digs the knife into her stomach. He's lost count of how many times he's cut her now and as satisfying as this whole thing is, he's eager for some fresh meat._

  
_It doesn't take long for her to break. She doesn't get the chance to join him, like he'd had with Alastair, but she does get taken away by some other demons. He doesn't really care where they're taking her. Dean whistles a tune as he waits for the next sorry soul to be brought in. He hears the chains rattle as they're hooked up and he finally looks up to see who he'll get to have fun with next._

  
_Despite how used he is to all this, his heart still drops into his stomach when he sees Cas strung up, trenchcoat hanging off of him in bloody tatters. What the hell is the angel doing here? He moves over to Cas, cupping his chin in his hand and forcing his head up._

  
_"What are you doing here?"_

  
_"I had to see you. I was human and that means I had a soul. I found a crossroads and I'm sure you can figure out the rest."_

  
_Dean can't tell if he's pleased that Cas is here or if he's horrified at the same notion. Before he can gather his wits, his body, well, whatever's left of it anyway, drifts away automatically. He's running on autopilot as he flays the skin from Cas' bones and he wants nothing more than to stop, wants it to be someone else. He doesn't want to stare into those impossibly blue eyes so full of pain. But no matter how much he tries, how much effort he exerts, he can't stop. It's like someone or something else is controlling him and before he knows what's happening, he has the first blade buried in Castiel's heart. The short scream the angel emits is bloodcurdling even for something not quite human like him and it's enough to make him cringe. This can't be happening. Anything but this._

  
"Cas!" he shouts, sitting up in his bed and whipping his head around frantically. He relaxes marginally when he realizes that it was just a nightmare, but he still has the desire to see the angel healthy and not a piece of meat on a hook. He shakes his head to dislodge the image and gets to his feet, still getting used to being on Earth for such a long time. Hell time is strange and for him, it's been nearly forty more years since he's been up here for this long.

  
"Cas? Sam?" he calls, wandering the halls of the Men of Letters bunker. The corridors are vaguely familiar and he thinks he knows where Cas' room is. He comes to a stop and knocks. Sure enough, the door opens a moment later and Cas is gesturing for him to come in.

  
"I'm sorry Dean. I shouldn't have left you, but Sam and I thought you might want time to adjust."

  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just..." he trails off and when he looks at Cas, he sees blood everywhere from the marks he'd made. He lets out a surprised cry and Cas is at his side, asking what's wrong. Dean shakes his head, hard enough to sort of hurt and he looks again, almost dreading what he might see. He sighs when Cas is just fine, the only thing on his face a look of concern and worry.

  
"Come here."

  
Cas leads him to the bed that looks like it hasn't been used in weeks. He knows that Cas doesn't sleep now that he's an angel again and he doesn't want to lay here and go back to sleep when he's sure that Cas has something more important to do than watch over him. But when he tries to argue, Cas shushes him and crawls under the blankets with him. He doesn't know if he'll be able to fall asleep again. He's tired but he's terrified of what he may dream about.

  
"Can we just talk? I don't want to sleep. Not yet," he says, hoping he doesn't sound too pathetic.

  
"Of course. What would you like to talk about?"

  
"When you saved me. You said-" he stops, unable to voice the same words aloud.

  
"I said I love you."

  
"Yeah, that. Can I ask, did you....did you mean that?"

  
Cas tilts his head in his trademark confused look, regarding Dean with a curious expression.

  
"Of course I did. I still do. I love you Dean. Surely you believe that?"

  
"I do, or, I want to. But why? After everything I did, how could you still, you know, want to be around me?" he asks.

  
"Dean," Cas starts, reaching forward and cradling his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have bothered rebelling all those years ago. I wouldn't have given up my army for you. I would have killed you the moment I found you if I didn't love you. I have given everything for you and I would do it all over again if it meant keeping you safe."

  
"Cas, I..." he stops again, hesitating. Because he wants to say it back. He wants Cas to know how much he means to him, how much he would give if it meant not losing him. Cas has saved him more times than he deserved and he wants to thank him for all of that and more. But the words won't come and he huffs in frustration at himself. It's easier to think about it rather than say it aloud and that's what gives him the idea. He closes his eyes and prays that Castiel will understand all the things that he can't bring himself to say.  


When he feels soft lips against his own, any fear he has that Cas doesn't get it disappears. He brings a hand up to cradle Cas' face and he kisses back, pouring everything he feels for the angel into it. It's never been like this before. Not with Cassie or Lisa has he ever had such a profound connection. Granted, neither Cassie or Lisa rescued him from Hell and rebelled against all of Heaven for him, but still, the fact holds that he and Cas have always had something special.

  
Someone clears their throat and he jolts, pulling away from Cas. Sam is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and Dean holds the impossible hope that his brother didn't see anything. Judging by the slightly scandalized and overtly happy look on his face, Dean's pretty sure Sam saw everything.

  
"Did you need something Sam?" Cas asks, not removing his hand from where he's stroking Dean's face. As embarrassing as it is in front of Sam, Dean doesn't think he can ask Cas to stop.

  
"I just wanted to see how he was doing, but clearly he's perfectly fine thanks to you," Sam says with something akin to amusement. Cas looks away sheepishly and Dean tries not to think it's the cutest thing he's ever seen.

  
"Just keep it down, you two lovebirds," Sam says, closing the door behind him. Dean waits until Sam's footsteps retreat entirely until he goes back to kissing Cas. It's nice, having someone to hold him and just be here for him in general. Eventually he pulls away and instead settles down, burrowing into Cas' side and breathing him in. He grins when he feels Cas wrap his arm around him, pulling him even closer, keeping him safe. He drifts off to sleep a little while later, his nightmares chased away by the angel at his side. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really wish that this is how they turn Dean human again but unfortunately that's never going to happen. So I wrote this instead!


End file.
